The Disguise
Lately, I have had such a heavy heart for the things outside of biblical truth we use to comfort and raise our daughters, young women, students, friends, etc. particularly when it comes to the issue of self esteem/insecurity/appearance. Though a predominant theme throughout Scripture on beauty deals with the inner beauty, this reality is almost virtually ignored as our sole comfort comes from a quote we found on Pinterest, verbal reminders of how beautiful we are, or my personal favorite that we will reflect on today..."God thinks you're beautiful."
Despite my sarcasm, I say this so boldly through much prayer, study, and conviction that this is absolutely the wrong way to bring about security in our loved ones. We have developed a means of comfort and discipleship that makes much of us as humans and honestly, little of God though His name may be attached in some form. As is the case in using the phrase "God thinks you're beautiful" to comfort our hurting sisters.
I know many whose life revolves around this phrase for their moments of weakness in worry of their appearance. Because Gods name is attached with the phrase it has the false idea of providing lasting security to a young girl/woman seeking to live a life of godly womanhood. Just like much of our society today, we must always be cautious to take things at face value.... What sounds good and feels good to the flesh may not be necessarily biblical or pleasing to the Father, any popular health and wealth pastor displays this reality so obviously. But just like in some of those cases, we can truly wreck letting God have full reign over our life by allowing ourselves to be comforted by some popular quote we read online instead of Gods word. Half the time, these temporal security phrases are taught by prominent leaders in women's lives such as bible study teachers, mothers, or any we may consider as wise counsel. I have been to an embarrassing amount of retreats and read too many books who all focus on telling girls how beautiful we are. This all must change.
So.... What's the problem?
The problem is, we try to raise girls to be confident women when really security is not an issue of confidence rather, an issue of identity! Insecurity is rooted in a lack of trust and/or dependence on God. Our identities as women become dependent on others perception of us, our status, if we fit in with particular groups etc.... Though I'm not telling you anything here that you don't know. But, even using the phrase "God thinks you're beautiful" to comfort a young woman at a time of loss of confidence (better known as her 'identity crisis' as I would rather refer to it as) continues to put emphasis on the physical beauty rather than "that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" 1 Peter 3:4.
Let me be clear, God made you... Therefore you are beautiful. Confused? The popular phrase teaches God is concerned with your appearance and reflects on that about you, the latter teaches because God is Holy, beautiful, righteous, perfect then because you were created by this flawless God then there is beauty about you.... Which points to the goodness of God far more than the significance of your physical appearance. Teaching a "God thinks you're beautiful" theology breeds a Christianity that is "you focused" instead of "God focused" which again, makes much of you and little of God. If your security rests on the fact that you are physically beautiful then you are still in for many more challenges to your battle with insecurity.
Does God care about my appearance?
Yes and no.
No: As Scripture evidently points out, God is concerned with the inner self. Consider the story of Martha & Mary in Luke 10:38-42. Martha was consumed with rushing to prepare a meal and the house as Jesus had just arrived while Mary chose to sit before Jesus feet and listen. Jesus tells the anxiety prone Martha, as she complains about Mary not helping, that "Mary has chosen what is better" v. 42. Though Martha was not concerned with her appearance in this scenario what I would like to focus in on is that Jesus pointed out here that Mary was right to concern herself strictly with Gods words and will. Do you think God would rather you focus on His will or your weight? His will or proper application of your makeup? Seems obvious when phrased in that way, huh?
He specifically tells us in 1 Peter 3:4 that we are to focus on "the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." There lies our answer.
Yes: God cares about your appearance in terms of what He does not want it to be. Primarily in terms of dress. He cares about modesty since as Christians we are daily representing Christ with every aspect our lives. He commands we not find our beauty "from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes" and asks our focus be on the gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:3). God cares about your appearance distracting others from focus, relationship, and/or obedience to Him. He cares if your appearance will bring you or someone else closer to the Cross or farther away from it, as a wise woman once told me.
Charge
So, how DO we build security in our lives and the lives of women all around us? We need to first and foremost pick up our Bibles and lower our heads for prayer. No greater tools are there than Scripture and prayer. By doing this we are equipping ourselves rightly for the battle of security. We must put on the full armor of God so that in our moments of identity crisis we are not like the foolish man whose house was blown away when the storm came but instead are like the wise man who built his house upon a rock and when the storms came he did not falter. By building our house upon the rock, we avoid the moments of flooding thoughts of unworthiness and can rely on actual biblical truth to remind us of whose we are and what we are to concern ourselves with.
Women- when we see young ladies or friends facing this crisis of identity I challenge you to not comfort with mere words that strike up confidence nor a seemingly pleasing phrase like "God thinks you're beautiful" rather, direct these ladies to a relationship with Christ and teach them to become women after Gods own heart!
To my little boy crazy ladies out there, "direct your energies to obedience not to nailing the man" (Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall). We have all been there and we promise... God IS faithful! But by focusing your energy on your potential boyfriend, you're missing out on TRUE joy only found in Christ.
I don't know about you, but I feel like I can breath a sigh of relief! I do not have to spend hours in a bowl of ice cream ironically complaining about my weight instead, I can open Gods word and focus my life on honoring my God because my identity is found in Christ alone. I leave you with a fitting psalm to bring genuine comfort to our "identity crisis!"
Psalm 62:5-8
5Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
6He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.
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